A society that does not know the definition of love (willing the good of the other), cannot know or understand the gift of sex.
The Antithesis of Love
I would hazard a guess that if we were asked to rank the deadly sins, many people would put lust on the deadliest side of things. Some of this probably comes from the shame that is felt when an act connected to lust is committed. In addition, the sin of lust is often easy for us to recognize. Many of us can more easily point to the sins of lust in our culture and our lives than the perhaps less talked about sins of sloth or avarice.
But you might be surprised that theologians and spiritual writers generally rank lust on the opposite end – Dante, in his Purgatio actually puts it at the very end of the list, as the least deadly.
This is not to condone the sin. It’s still deadly! It’s deadly, it’s addictive, and it will ruin your life–on this side and the next.
But the reason many rank it as less deadly (still deadly!) is that it is an excessive or disordered love of something good. Similar to avarice and gluttony, which we’ve already looked at, lust is a disordered hunger for a gift that God has given us: sex.
There is nothing wrong with sexual pleasure. There are times that even in the Church we forget this. That’s because on one side, many of us live in the United States, within a culture that was initially formed and still is influenced by a Puritanical approach to the created world. And simultaneously, we live in a culture that has gone so far off the deep end, we have to fight so hard to protect ourselves and our children from a sex-obsessed and erroneous view of sexual pleasure, that we end up allowing the pendulum to swing too far the other way.
Sex is a beautiful gift of God. The Catechism reminds us, “The Creator himself . . . established that in the [generative] function, spouses should experience pleasure and enjoyment of body and spirit. Therefore, the spouses do nothing evil in seeking this pleasure and enjoyment. They accept what the Creator has intended for them” (CCC2362).
However, by its nature, sex it must exist within the context of love. And this is where our society fails to understand the beauty of sex. A society that does not know the definition of love (willing the good of the other), cannot know or understand the gift of sex. The beautiful gift of sex must be only found within the sacrament of marriage, where spouses have committed to lay down one’s life for each other. If it is outside the sacrament, it is not within the context of love, because it is not willing the good of the other.
Lust is using another as a means for sexual pleasure. It is the antithesis of love, which is rooted in self-sacrifice for the sake of the other. As John Paul II so beautifully and clearly taught, a human person can never be a means to an end. A person is never a thing to be used. The only proper response to another person is love.
Some sins of lust are easy to see, both in our culture and in our lives. Many of them have become accepted and even championed as “healthy,” “natural,” or even “necessary.”
Others, however, might be less obvious in our lives. If we think of the deadly sin more broadly–do I ever use others for my own gain? Do I ever take advantage of people as means to an end, rather than loving them for their own sake?
The deadly sin of lust can be found in marriage, as well. Husbands are capable of using wives and vice versa; this is a sin. Even husbands and wives are called to the virtue of chastity. The same Catechism paragraph which tells couples there is nothing wrong with pleasure remind us, “At the same time, spouses should know how to keep themselves within the limits of just moderation.” Like all pleasure, it must be placed within the proper context and enjoyed within moderation. And it can only be enjoyed if there is freedom, consent, respect, and love.
If you do struggle with sin connected to sexual pleasure, know that you are not alone. It can be an extremely dangerous sin because it is addictive and it can be hidden in shame. If you are struggling, do not be afraid to seek help. This is an epidemic, and it takes courage to fight it. 75% of Christian men and 40% of Christian women view pornography on some level. But there are people ready to help you, including Covenant Eyes, Integrity Restored, and Magdala (additional resources here).
Examine
- Do I view others as mere sexual objects rather than as persons to be loved and honored?
- Do I entertain impure thoughts? Do I commit impure acts either alone or with another?
- Do I use others for gain?
- Do I treat or approach people in any way other than love?
- Do I watch television shows or movies or listen to music that promotes or condones using others for pleasure?
Eradicate
We are all called to the virtue of chastity, not only priests, religious, and unmarried people. This week, look at your relationships to see if you are using people as a means to an end. Cultivate the virtue of chastity by striving to find ways to live your life as a gift for others.
- Do something specific this week to sacrifice your own desire or comfort for the good of a family member, coworker, or friend.
- Husbands and wives, do something for your spouse this week to show love that doesn’t involve a sexual act.
- Give up some physical pleasure (that third cup of coffee, salt on your food, your snooze button) this week and offer it for someone who is struggling with pornography.
Most of all, pray for the grace of chastity and for help in the struggle against lust. We cannot do it alone!
Photo by Scott Broome on Unsplash
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