Even one true friend, who walks with you in virtue, who struggles with you on the path to heaven, is a grace worth the effort.
The first reading from Sirach today may bring up a variety of emotions. As Sirach speaks about the various types of friends—the true ones and the false ones—his words may cause us feelings of joy, gratitude, regret, shame, or sadness. When and how have I been blessed by friends? When have I been hurt by them? How have I failed as a friend?
In this current time, when the simple, ancient word “friend” has been confused, redefined, and undervalued, perhaps it is worth sitting with Sirach’s words for a bit. What can we learn from his wisdom?
Be Discerning
Perhaps we need his warning against taking everyone in as a confidant: “Let your acquaintances be many, but one in a thousand your confidant” (Sir 6:6). I wonder what he would think of our social media habits that let everyone see our daily lives and thoughts.
He cautions against giving everyone your immediate trust. “When you gain a friend, first test him, and be not too ready to trust him” (Sir 6:7). Maybe this seems a bit harsh, but it’s a good matter of discernment. We can want to have a million friends and tell everyone everything; that will likely backfire. While we must not lie, we also have to remember that not everyone has the right to know everything. We can and should be discerning about who we let into our inner lives.
Be Steadfast
Do our friends stand the test of time? Do they stay with us when it gets difficult? If the world turns away from us, who is left standing with us?
“For one sort is a friend when it suits him,
but he will not be with you in time of distress.
Another is a friend who becomes an enemy,
and tells of the quarrel to your shame” (Sir 6:8-9).
Few things are less heartbreaking than to look around and realize the friends you had trusted, you had supported, you had listened to in their times of trouble… are gone when you need them. The wounds created by friends cut deeper, and the scars are lasting.
Rather than sit in those wounds, though, we should instead use our experiences to not wound others in the future. We can use Sirach’s words as an examination of conscience, taking his words to heart and examining our own behavior toward our friends.
Have I supported my friends when the rest of the world left them? Have I listened to their side of the story in the midst of gossip and the rush to judgment? Have I been a fair-weather friend?
“Another is a friend, a boon companion,
who will not be with you when sorrow comes.
When things go well, he is your other self,
and lords it over your servants;
But if you are brought low, he turns against you
and avoids meeting you” (Sir 6:10-12).
Be Grateful
After walking through the difficult truths of false friendship, Sirach turns to the blessings of a true friend. Rather than sitting in the discomfort of the wounds false friends have caused, turn in gratitude to the Lord for the good friend he has given you.
“A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter;
he who finds one finds a treasure.
A faithful friend is beyond price,
no sum can balance his worth” (Sir 6:14-15).
Rather than collecting dozens of friends, focus on being a true friend. What can I do to be a worthy friend?
One in a Thousand
Aristotle cautioned that the perfect form of friendship was rare. “Such friendships are of course rare, because such men are few. Moreover they require time and intimacy… people who enter into friendly relations quickly have the wish to be friends, but cannot really be friends without being worthy of friendship, and also knowing each other to be so; the wish to be friends is a quick growth, but friendship is not.”
True friendships are rare because they take time. But they are also rare because we cannot be a friend “without being worthy of friendship.” We should take both the words of Sirach and Aristotle to heart. What can I do today to become more worthy of the priceless gift of friendship? Am I striving for virtue? Am I seeking to deepen my prayer life, to receive the sacraments of Holy Communion and Confession frequently? Am I making the little choices for God every day, which will help me to say no to sin and selfishness and yes to self-gift?
“A faithful friend is a life-saving remedy,
such as he who fears God finds;
For he who fears God behaves accordingly,
and his friend will be like himself” (Sir 6:16-17).
True friendship is worth the effort and the time. Make your life one that is worthy of friendship. Aristotle said that true friendship is rare because good people are few. It’s time to change that. Become worthy of the friends you want. Even one true friend, who desires your good, who walks with you in virtue, who struggles with you on the path to heaven, is a grace worth the effort.
Image credit: Photo by Ben White on Unsplash
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